30 minutes away from autumn

This summer was special for me…. I lived a small life this summer….. three months….but it turned to be a life…. it was my rebirth… I was learning how to live….to sip life as a hot tea….carefully with small sips… not because of fear to burn..but enjoying every single sip…

So many events took place…..

I was fiancée
I learnt how to ride bicycle
I sold my car
I found out how it feels when someone betrays you and you world is breaking to pieces
I found close one soul who means a lot and who is precious for me
I realized that I have enough strength not to fall down my knees
I got unbelievable freedom and relief from everything
I really know idea of the song “life is good” now
I learnt to like rain
I turned to a party animal
I patched up with my friend
I met in real my friend from virtuality
I made one of my dream true
I smoked….first time after 2 years break… it was hookah…so it doesn’t count though lol
I had guts to sing at karaoke in front of professional singers
I made tattoo
I cur my hair
I let him go and live in peace (person who betrayed me)
I fell in love
I realized how happy I am because I have so many near and dear ones, friends who are always there when I need support
I realized that everything is for good
I became stronger but more flexible
I learnt to feel happy about every moment in my life
I started two blogs and community
I was able to give hand of help to many people who needed right words from me
I am grateful universe for this hard time which it gave me

that’s it….just 30 mins…. autumn….

I don’t want to be a princess

And even when I was a little girl I didn’t want it too. Why? Because they are too fragile, subtle and “pinky”. I liked witches and princess-warriors. Why not fairies or white witches? Yep, the same reason )) they were too pinky. (Though final sentence of all my childhood dreams was “he took princess to his kingdom and they lived long and happily life together).
Wondering, I would be a juicy contract for any child psychologist :)

I grew up. And became a fairy… self-sacrificing and understanding-everyone-everything even in prejudice of myself.

There was a thread on one forum, where was suggested to choose character whom you want to be. With no second thought I said I want to be Lara Croft or Storm from “x-men”. Took a look at answers above. Scarlet O’hara, dr.Dulittle, Meg Rayan heroine etc etc… except me only one guy wanted to be Batman (to hook cat-woman lol). I scratched my head and promised to edit my post and to add some real character. Should I mention that I didn’t back to that thread? :) Though I really was thinking hard and trying to figure out something.

Recently I watched mind blowing anime and guess what.. my current DP now is an image of its heroine.. brave female warrior Dunon Knute :)
Strange but my fairy nature is in contradict with my preferences, though people say I am not that fairy attimes …and also they say I am an iron lady. I am confused..who am I…fairy or warrior? It seems I am what I never wanted to be and I am what I was dreaming about?

ufffff….. really confused.. I would rather be an angel..but with dark wings and without nimbus… black sunglasses….high black shoes..and magic stick with black leather design…..stop… magic stick its fairy feature…

I will start again…

i would be an angel….
dark wings and without nimbus………….

Good morning my beloved one

"No" simply means "no"

I am wondering who taught you to take direct "no" as "maybe", "most probably", "dont loose hope", "ask again" etc etc. Didnt each of us get many examples that "no" simply means "no". Is it human habit to hear everything but not the direct and exact answer which is "NO"? Your ears hear "no" but mind starts it's games...perverting the truth, leading us to hope, to expectations and disappointment in the end of the day. Because nothing changes but only sooner or later we have (we have no choice) to accept that negative answer. Learn to accept "no" without leaving yourself a loophole to take it in different way! It will save your time and broken hopes.
If someone wants to tell you "yes" he/she will do it directly, but if answer is "no"...believe me....it means "no" and no second option here.

Would this timely acceptance prevent from pain anf despair? ....a guy who didnt want to hear girl's "no" and sacrificed his life for her but heard the same "no"? .... a girl who didnt quit hear expectations even after guy rejected her, was cherishing her hope and thats why second "no" was even more hurtful? I am sure there are can be many examples but ideas is the same "I dont want you in my life, and your efforts it's your choice, dont blame me later".

One should care about oneself and dont wait for favour/grace from another. It has no point and hardly brings positive result. So let's respect other's answer even if its "no" beacause its better for both sides.

It's like an axiom - sooner you accept the negative answer - easier it would be to leave your hope and expectation. Sure exceptions can be there but even then...dont wait that exactly your case is different. Carry on with your life, enjoy it, live..... and it's upto that person to change his/her decision, dont waste your precious time, dont change your life, dont sacrifice your smile for waiting for changing this rejection!

Be positive :)

Woman: Oh no … he is leaving, he is leaving me….(crying)
Mind: Be positive, be positive
Woman: How can I be positive? He is packing bags
Mind: Don’t cry, smile. Mysterious smile. And don’t panic
Woman: He is packing bags (crying)
Mind: Smile
Woman: What if I hug him?
Mind: Idiot
Woman: What if I fall to my knees?
Mind: Idiot
Woman: What if i…..?
Mind: What?
Woman: Hit him with frying pan… a bit?
Mind: ???
Woman: Maybe I can try to feed him … yummy soup…. It will work for one-two months…. And then he will get used and will stay……
Mind: Frying pan its criminal. You can overrate your strength.
Woman: No, I will try my best with all my strength.
Mind: I mean. You are strong woman and can kill him accidentally and it’s a jail.
Woman: Then what can be done here? Tell me if you are so smart
Mind: Smile. Be positive, be positive
Woman: What positive I can find in this situation? I will be lonely! (crying)
Mind: Smile. First of all you are not lonely but you are free
Woman: Why do I need this freedom?
Mind: Smile. Freedom its an amazing. You will have time for yourself
Woman: Why? (sniffs)
Mind: Because! You will learn Brazilian - you always was dreaming to watch serials without translation. Will learn how to play drums – with your strength!!!!
Woman: Yeah… I never had time for this
Mind: You will be using finance in your way without buying all those stupid fishing rods and car stuff
Woman: I will buy expensive fur coat and those shoes…with strips ( wipes tears)
Mind: You will go for dinner with that guy from office – he was looking at you
Woman: (Smiles) Yeah, he asked me to go out. I will wear new fur coat, shoes with strips (smiles in mysterious way)
Mind: No cooking, no laundering
Woman: Only beauty parlours!!! (smiles happy). Will go for a trip (dreams)
Mind: See! And you couldn’t see positive sides in this situation.
Woman: I will begin a new life!!! (smiling widely). Oops!
Mind: What?
Woman: He is falling to his knees with his bag, kissing knees
Mind: Whose knees?
Woman: Not bag’s knees for sure. Saying he will not find woman as me. Asking for forgiveness. Wants to stay!
Mind: Oops
Woman: And what about free woman? (crying). What about drums classes? Fur coat, shoes?? (wailing). Guy from office?? (crying)
Mind: Be positive, be positive……. (c)

Tastes from childhood

I was eating turkish delight today and thought that when I was a kid it had different, special taste, it's not about taste was good or bad, it was different. How many tastes which were born in my childhood now are left only in my memory!!! Maybe it's because I grew up and those tastes turned to be so special as childhood memories or maybe nowadays people cant make such yummy stuff as before...even that sugar powder covers turkish delight was so delicuous earlier. Fruit curd....mmmmm even "danone" cant compete with it :) Extremely plane pink ice cream in a paper cup, what can be more plain....but this none popular ice cream brand cant simulate this taste,it's too special. Marsh-mallow, lemonade, corn flakes, even sugar was sweeter. I can continue this list...list of tasty memories :) Want to join? ;)

Green light to your dreams

What is good and what is bad

Is there border between those? And if there is a border then it's very thin and transparent. Must be long time back there was neutral absolute..but later people figured out norms and values..positive and negative, right and wrong, good and bad.

How to define what is bad and what is good. Its like one and the same thing/event can be as good for one person as well as extremely bad for another. Then? Where is the truth lies? Or maybe mankind shouldn't have figure out all those definition....trying to classify things which are beyond any classification.

Tough :)

Give me a sign

I was walking through the night... down the lonesome street ... wandering at lonely streetlights. Andru Donals was sounding in my ears ... soaking up sounds of reality and immersing me deeper and deeper to the world of dreams. I was walking...peering into gulf of starry sky...with music in my ears and hope in my heart.
I know...somewhere he is also not sleeping right now...listening to the night, and tired after searching of soulmate, waiting for me...when with soft steps I will come to his life...

Friends

In 1935, USA government had killed a man on 1st Saturday of august, next day his friend died committing suicide in his memory. USA government had declared 1st Sunday of every August as friendship day. Today (2th august) is the 73rd friendship day.

Where dreams lead to

Is it possible to betray your dream? Be afraid of obstacles on the way to your dream, long way covered with thorns which hurt your feet... to fall for easier path...smooth and soft...but every step which you made on that soft path takes you away from a dream. To convince yourself that this smooth way is right because there are no thorns and bumps.... to convince yourself not to turn around, where abandoned dream is stretching her hands to you, slopping tears on bleeding feet (because all this time she was walking over the same thorns as you) and watching you go..... to convince yourself not to look in your eyes, be afraid to read there "betrayer"....to convince yourself that in the end of smooth way you will face even bigger happiness.

Or scoot back ....run and don't feel how much thorns hurt, hug your dream, take her hand, smile and keep walking through the thorny path to the happiness...but this time...never leave hold of her hand.