September

Kiss the rain

latest days i have been thinking of you....again and again...asking you for forgiveness in my thoughts....
i wont dare to talk to you...i know how you will react...and will make both of us feeling even worse

one year...i forgot how it is...to feel guilty for what i have done with you...
i forgot that almost physical sensation of guilt's sticky arms on my neck... and not being able to escape from it's suffocating grasp
i got through the same experience i put you in....felt everything what was tearing your soul too bloody pieces....i felt your pain
that moment i got rid of that feeling of guilt..but fear of recompense wasn't letting me turn the page and close the book with your name....i knew....i would have to pay

i was gathering myself as splinters of glass i was gloating with tears "quits...we are quits now...i paid my bill"

why i'm thinking of you again...and desperately want to hear that you forgave me...
did you?

I missed my India

Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi, kismat pe aaye naa yakeen

This song touched me to the core....rather it's lyrics...
I have realized I was wasting my time, my life, my emotions for those who didn't feel like this even for a moment.....
My friend said "We are missing those who didn't arrived in our life yet. It's strange"
Maybe it is..but at least now I know what words will I hear when that missing someone will arrive to my life. Till then....no more wasting time....I'm ready to wait :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkeMlbZvOws

Sunrise

Another one morning..

She opened her eyes. Dark. Early morning before the dawn. House is wropt with silence and dreams. Everyone is sleeping in their dreamlands.
She used to love such mornings when she was waking up while her hubby and kids are still sleeping and she could enjoy peaceful morning alone. Its not that she had lack of peace but at times it was so wonderful to have rising sun as a companion.

Young beautiful lady grabbed hubby's t-shirt and barefoot sneaked out of the room stepping soft as a cat... trying to be quiet and don't disturb life in house lying in the arms of Morpheus.

Peaceful chilly morning. Dew pearls on leaves and grass in the garden. Birds twittering in the trees looking forward for their good friend - sun. Slight waves beating at the river bank. Nature was slowly waking up....She took blanket and big mug of hot sweet cocoa and nestled on garden seat. Cool breeze outside and hot cocoa inside it was feeling soo nice. Sky was getting pinkish...sun was about to rise. Peace and harmony.....First sun rays...birds songs...fresh breeze...she was part of all this...that was the reason why she used to love such mornings.

"Mammy.. brother took my toy...mammy"
Her twins...boy and gal. Who knows how long she was sitting here facing her sun to the sun and smiling to it. Now kid's voice back her to reality.
"Maaaamyyyyyy"
Twins loved each other to the same extent as they loved to piss each other off.

She smiled to the sun.. "We will chitchat some other time" she said and went towards the house.

Her hubby was standing on the porch smiling guiltily... "I know how to handle kids...just missed you and was looking for valid reason to bring you back"
She smiled
"Good morning baby" he hugged her and kissed on forehead. "I made breakfast and we are waiting for you"
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......another one morning of her happy life.......

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There was another one day….after work I was walking down the street... sky was shining with stars....and my mood was kinda romantic and calm quiet type. So I took milk shake with strawberry taste and went to the river bank...to listen to river sounds and watch stars.
Romantic mood…melancholic one..with no exact reason or thought….but simply romantic

I was going home with blank head watching landscapes I was passing by and suddenly I saw my reflection in driving mirror…. I was smiling from my heart. Was smiling not because of, not despite of…. just I was feeling so. There was so much JOY and excitement and I was feeling as if ALL my dreams came true and EVERYTHING what I wanted its mine. I have realized that I already have all the happiness inside of me and I don’t have to search for it anymore, because its here and always was. All I had to do its just take it from my heart.

Tears were rolling on my cheeks. I was moment of gratitude… I was so grateful to Universe for every moment of my life!
i love my life…
its so beautiful…
its so magical..
in every way….
every bit of it……
I hardly can explain this with words but it felt sooooo good! Just an overwhelming emotions.

On the path next to my home I stopped and looked at the sky colored with mysterious stars.
“Universe can you hear me?”
Stars were blinking naughty in reply
“I know you can hear me”
I felt She was smiling like mother smiles to a child…giving me the understanding that She can hear me and always could
“Yeah you can hear”
“Thank u”
“Now I know…EVERTYHING is possible. I feel this POWER to make miracles, even the craziest ones. I know how it works and how to make it!!!”

Shooting star was an answer….I didn’t make a wish…but this time I even wasn’t trying to because now I know for sure WHO can fulfill my wishes and make my dreams true ;)
I gave a wink to the fallen star and walked away….

”Everything is possible… all you have to do - to wish it and believe in yourself” ….. wind whispered with tree leaves…. or maybe I seemed to hear this :)

Companions

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Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.

Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.


Johann Wolfgang von Goethe